What is parallel parenting

If you are separated or divorced and have children with your ex, then you will be interested in knowing what parallel parenting is and also how important it is for your peace of mind and for the proper development of your children. It is not easy at all raising children while separated or divorced, but it may be more difficult if you also do not get along with your ex or you are not able to agree on the welfare of the children.

What is parallel parenting

Parallel parenting is co-parenting, that is, two parents working together to raise their children regardless of how they get along with each other. Although in these types of situations it is difficult for any conflict or complication in communication to ever arise. It is important to fight for good parenting in parallel, in this type of parenting both parents make decisions regarding the children when the children are in their care.

  • The first is to avoid conflict in front of children. Although one of the results may be to reduce conflict in general, the main goal is to reduce the amount of conflict that children can see and that can certainly affect them emotionally.
  • The second goal is to minimize contact between parents to avoid unpleasant situations. This objective of minimizing contact is not to completely override it, but rather to allow parents to see their children while minimizing possible conflicts between them.

When communication between parents can be conflictive due to the personal situations they live in, it is important that they think about the well-being of the children. One idea is to keep in touch to talk exclusively about the children by phone or email … sticking to just talking about the children and parenting.

How to Create a Good Parallel Parenting Plan

For this type of parenting to be successful, it is necessary that the parents do their part and that both agree to do the best possible for the benefit of the children in common. Parallel parenting plans must be very specific and are generally established in accordance with the custody that has been provided and with the rules established by a judge.

Parallel parenting plans are designed to have little communication with the ex and that the necessary and minimum amount is only to talk about the children. It is important to ensure that at least the following are specifically detailed in custody: 

  • Specific days for visits as well as the beginning and end periods of the same
  • Who will do the pick-up and drop-off and where will they take place
  • Visits cancellation time in case they are necessary for specific reasons
  • The responsibility of using transportation to move children from one place to another
  • Dispute resolution process, if there is a disagreement between parents about visiting hours (for example)
  • Family expense division
  • Responsibility for children’s extracurricular activities

In any case, what is essential is that both parents ensure the physical and emotional safety of their children, regardless of their personal relationship. Even if a romantic relationship has not ended well, it is important to think about the treasure that that relationship has brought to your lives: the children. Children come to this world by decision of their parents and for that alone, they deserve all the respect that may exist.

How to overcome anxiety when caused by your children

Motherhood is not easy and sometimes you can feel a certain anxiety that causes you discomfort, you can even feel bad about yourself or the world around you. It is likely that you have some fears and that without realizing the focuses on your children and that, it also generates anxiety. Fear that something will happen to them, fear that they will fail, fear that they will have a bad time … 

What happens is that even if you are a mother, you cannot control everything (even if you want to). If you try to get everything under control, then you will feel anxiety … You may have an anxiety disorder. But even if you suffer from this disorder, for the most part you will be able to manage it and more if you have been prescribed medication, or if you perform meditation or breathing exercises.

Your reactions may not always be normal or healthy… So you may worry that you are putting your anxiety on your children without realizing it. You think that they are the culprits of your anxiety, you may even think that if you back down you would not have children to be calm. Although you are not mistaken, your children are not the culprits of your anxiety … Anxiety is born in your mind and only from your mind can it be solved. It is normal for you to also worry about whether or not they may develop anxiety due to your behavior.

Overcome anxiety

You should know that this does not have to be this way, you can overcome this anxiety, do you want to know how? Anxiety has its roots in genetics and the environment. Although the genetic part cannot be controlled, there is a greater propensity for anxiety that must be expressed in the offspring just like any other condition … You can prevent your children from generating anxiety and also continue to suffer from it. 

Let your children have experiences

All parents worry about their children, but having anxiety disorder means that sometimes those worries go to an irrational level. Allowing your children to have age-appropriate experiences will help them develop their own coping mechanisms. Evaluate activities depending on appropriate development. For example, is it appropriate for a 3-year-old to play alone? You should think about how to make that game safe and comfortable for the little one but controlling your tendencies of fear and panic.

Don’t be a catastrophist

Catastrophizing is common in anxiety. Anxiety takes advantage of the imagination and makes it turn negative. You might tell your child that he can’t cross the street just because he might get hit by a car and die… But maybe this is too extreme, right? It may be better to explain that you have to wait for the traffic light to turn green for pedestrians and if it is more than 10 years old, allow it to do so even with your supervision.

Practice healthy reactions

Before children can understand your words, they already pick up your emotional clues. If your child accidentally picks up a knife that you have left within reach, do not blame him for that and also, it is important to react without panic. Instead of running off screaming and freaking out, move quickly to pick up the knife, put it away properly, and instruct him that a knife is not a toy or a plaything. With this reasonable and healthy reaction you will feel calmer in moments of this type.